How to Deal With Kitchen Anxiety
If you’re short on time, feel free to only read the bold font.
Ah, the dreaded kitchen…or rather the feeling of dread that occurs when you have roommates, you’re in the kitchen, and suddenly so is someone else. If you happen to hang out in your room to avoid using shared spaces, like the kitchen, until everyone else is in their rooms or gone, you’re not alone.
Many people struggle with shared spaces for a variety of reasons. The reasons range from not wanting to engage in small talk to introversion, or…well…actual anxiety. Though, this isn’t to suggest that everyone has anxiety solely because they resonate with Instagram posts about keeping snacks in their room to ward off hunger while they wait for clear access to the kitchen.
Neighbor Anxiety
Kitchen anxiety (KA) isn’t dissimilar to what I’ll call neighbor anxiety. So many people wait until their neighbor isn’t home to check the mail, take out the trash, run errands, etc. If a person thought they were in the clear and they actually weren’t, they’ll turn back around and go back inside before their neighbor had a chance to spot them. These are all common behaviors and again, on their own, aren’t necessarily a sign that the person has a form of anxiety.
Is It Okay to Avoid Common Areas?
To avoid the kitchen or to not avoid the kitchen? That is the question. The answer is personal. If it makes you feel better and it doesn’t bother you to wait for people to leave, go for it! Although, if you find yourself irritated more often than not or if you’re hungry for hours on end, then it’s probably worth reconsidering that approach.
Coping with Kitchen Anxiety
Option 1
Think about why you have this desire to wait people out. If you can narrow that down, that could be helpful. A good starting point could be examining whether or not you do this in other situations. For example, if you have an aversion to most social interactions, you can use that information to dig deeper. Why is that? Are you self-conscious? Do you just want quiet after a long day? Continue to dig until you can’t go any further. If you’re self-conscious and afraid people will judge you for the tiniest thing - why? Where is that coming from, how long has it been there, and how can you work on it?
Option 2
You may eventually be able to overcome kitchen anxiety with exposure but it’s not guaranteed. Exposure (going in the kitchen regardless of who is home) could help lessen the uncomfortable feelings over time, though.
If it’s helpful for you, you don’t have to intentionally go out and cook or eat every time someone is home. You could start by washing dishes for 5 minutes in front of your roommates. You could do that once per week and work your way up from there.
If you’re going that route, it could be good to work on sending signals to your nervous system that indicate you’re safe (e.g. breathing exercises or splashing cold water on your face). Safety signaling can be done while you’re in those common areas but also can be practiced before and after you’re in them.
Option 3
Another way to tackle kitchen anxiety could be to shift your perspective. How would you feel if someone told you they waited for you to leave before they used things in their own home? This is not meant to be a reflection on you. The question is an exercise on what your advice to them would be.
Do you think they should always wait to come out even though they pay their fair share of bills? Would you encourage them to come out anyway? If your answer is the latter, use that as an opportunity to be gentle with yourself. If you’d want others to feel free in their home, don’t you think you deserve that, too?