Signs of a Good Therapist
If you’re short on time, feel free to only read the bold font.
You’ve finally found a therapist you can afford who can meet you when you’re available. Bonus points - they seem nice enough. This is great! Right?…Right?! Let’s hope so! This isn’t an exhaustive list but here are some signs that your therapist might be a good fit for you:
They don’t ghost you. We’re going to exclude things like medical emergencies because well..they can’t plan for those. There’s also the possibility that they can’t notify you immediately due to that emergency.
They consistently show up on time. It’s normal for people to run behind schedule now and again. It’s also likely that at some point, both you and your therapist will need to cancel or reschedule appointments. However, for the most part, they’re there, on time, and ready to work!
They give you their full attention (unless they’ve mentioned that they jot down notes in the session). Your session is your time and hopefully, your feelings at the end reflect that.
You feel comfortable with them. You feel like you could talk to them about (ideally everything) but at least most things. Let’s be careful, not to confuse comfortable with casual. Your therapist should still maintain an air of professionalism. Maintaining a sense of professionalism can look different for different therapists. This doesn’t necessarily have to mean they show up in formal business attire and use fancy terms you’ve never heard of. What it means is that, at a minimum, you’re not treated like a friend, family member, or romantic interest. They shouldn’t text or call you outside of the session just to shoot the breeze or see if you want to get a coffee with them before your next meeting.
They don’t force you to talk about things you’re not yet ready to explore. This isn’t to suggest that they shouldn’t challenge you to grow, inquire about why you’re not ready to venture down certain paths, ask about what the right timing might look like, identify patterns of avoidance and then try to challenge you. All of that can be discussed but if you’ve made yourself clear that you’re not ready to dive into a particular topic, there’s been a curious but judgment-free discussion about it, and maybe a loose plan for how to help you feel prepared in the future, that should be it until the next time they're checking in with how you feel about moving forward with that issue.
They don’t tell you what to do. You may be seeking professional help but at the end of the day, you’re your own person and you have full autonomy over the decisions you make.
You don’t spend full sessions with them explaining things about your culture, religion, identity, etc. We can’t know everything but it’s not your job to educate us on the aforementioned aspects of life. Ideally, your therapist assessed whether they were knowledgeable enough about all of that before they even agreed to work with you and/or has a plan to do research or consult another professional outside of your sessions.
You don’t feel like they’re actively working against you or what it is you want. There are plenty of times when we have to work with clients who have opinions and values that differ from ours. However, your therapy isn’t a place for clinicians to pass judgment on your lifestyle choices, identity, sexuality, religion, or general way of being. Ideally, the therapist tries to be as unbiased as possible and helps you see all sides of a situation, not just the side they prefer.
They don’t constantly re-traumatize you while helping you work through your past. Trauma work is akin to a delicate ballroom dance. During this dance, you want to go through the choreography but you probably don’t want to jerk your partner across the dance floor and step on their toes. This is not to say that a dancer will never misstep but they’re being careful so that they don’t. Like those dancers, therapists are human. However, the therapist should be incredibly careful and well-trained in this area of work.
They don’t let you leave the session while you still feel triggered. During the normal process, you may find there are times when you’re on edge, hyper-vigilant, anxious, etc. When you’re processing difficult and/or painful experiences, it’s bound to happen at some point. As I mentioned in the previous point, there's also the possibility that you’ve been re-traumatized. If any of the aforementioned feelings have occurred, ideally your therapist helps get you re-centered and in a better head space before you leave.